Thommankuthu...

It's a shame this place is so near to my hometown, and I never visited thinking it could be just another waterfall. And I am not someone who needs to backpack to a place far away to relieve my stress. The rain or the sight of a big mango tree would often do me the trick. So I never felt the big-time missing. But boy ! For someone who expected just a waterfall, could a wild forest and a series of majestic waterfalls inside be anymore surprising?.


After we drove upto the Thommankuthu stop and I got out from the car, I was not very thrilled to be honest. Because up until we stopped, there were houses and buildings along side the roads which barely gave any hint of what was coming. Ofcourse there were sign boards. But the roads don't hint for the big jungle or the waterfalls.

And then when I saw the big entry to this reserve forest area, there was a rush of excitement and I couldn't help but run inside. A true jungle with huge trees that block the sunlight. And the roads seem like taking you to an endless journey. And yes, the forest is literally never-ending if you don't stop where the guides tell you to. I looked around and the wilderness couldn't let me decide what to aim for first. Give the gigantic trees a bear hug or peek at the river that look like white spots through the leaves.? And here's the winner. The tree hangings.:D. I had never had them up close before. I pulled one string and that was so springy. And the roots towards the tips kept me wondering. I kept looking up for a while at the canopy.

I moved forward and could not contain my excitement.
Just a bit ahead of the entry, there is an interpretation room that has the eponym explained and other information about this eco-tourism project.
So, this spot is apparently named after a tribal "Thumben" who died while cutting across the river during the floods. And ofcourse 'kuthu' stands for waterfalls. And there you have it 'Thommakuthu'.

I stepped out from the room and continued walking. Roads are cut out for tourists (till the stop, upto where they can walk without a guide. After that you need a guide and a 1000 bucks to cover the remaining 8 kms or so).
I had the river buzzing in my ears all the while. The trees and the varities of them get you excited. From Rosewood to Jangli to what not. And the trees have name boards which made it easy. I was pretty excited to spot the Devil tree (onto which we nail the possessed in our folklores remember?).

Spot any similarity in the patterns?.No right, And there are tons like these imagine!

Infact there was one tree that had a weird shape with wedges and deep cuts in the trunk. Cuts big enough to hold a person. From the top view, it should look like a star I guess. My cousin suggested- should there be a flash flood, we better hide in there and walk out as cool as ever once it subsides. And that triggered a laugh.There was another one with big branches circling around the main trunk. That was apparently an anaconda fossil.:P

Amazing resemblance to an anaconda don't you think?

Through out the walk, you should be careful not to trip over branches like these that crawl through the ground. You often hear people say they spot elephants and snakes here. Even tigers sometimes. The irony is- though I'm very scared of snakes , with so much hype over snakes and elephants I was disappointed not to have spotted a snake at least.

My father was very excited to talk to guides, especially the ones who were really old. They talked in length about bamboos and barks and medicinal values and so on and so forth. My Dad mentioned, "With so much come and gone in  my life, my childhood memories of hanging out among trees like these were gone. I am thankful they revisited." He was happy to imitate teachers during his days and the way they hang their umbrellas.

Doesn't he look happy?

He told me that I came here with him when I was a kid. And my mom told the story about how that day a guy kept climbing up one of these steep mountains, like that was a suicidal attempt, and how people kept staring. She doesn't know how the story ended though. They were pressed for time that day, she guessed.

We kept walking. In between , we found bamboo chairs , tree houses and resting places. But no food or water stalls inside. And I guess that keeps the area cleaner than the other tourist places in Kerala I have been to. The water is also very clean. Each 'kuthu' is named differently. There are seven of them. I don't remember the names exactly. But I do remember boards mentioning the known death counts at each kuthu. Ranging from 7 to 24. And a warning saying 'you could be next' :/. The warning good though, because there are many shallow spots where we get so tempted to dive in. But there are slippery weeds that could easily let you join the deeper area. Wait, if you are lucky enough, you may hit a rock on the way and have your face hung on the wall forever. :D.. Or the hidden caves underneath that can drown you and devour you. So you know, you have a variety of options for death too if you are not careful ..:D..

One of the many waterfalls:

Also see the clouds swarming up into a darker version?. Because it drizzled on the way back. I know :)

We hung out here for a while. Of course at the watch of the guides. Just the sensation of dipping the feet in water can take you out of the world. The water is cold and gives you chill. You may choose any rock that suits you and stay there with your feet in water. I spotted many beautiful butterflies here. Bigger that we spot at homes.
Like these :

See what I see?

You will realise how the touch of the water can take away your fatigue and pump you up for the backward journey.

We saw the barricade beyond which there is no permission to travel without a guide. I heard from the guide that from there on , we have to walk by the river cutting through the bamboos which I thought was more exciting and jungly. But for we did not anticipate this and did not have any food or water and of course we were super tired , decided to stop. For those who want, they can go with guides with food and other stock.  I said to myself , "Some other day then.."..And that was a day well-spent. :)

That scent of soil when rain hits after a long time...petrichor...!

It had been two long weeks at work, busy weeks at work. So busy that I had been sleeping at 3 am.
I finally gave sign off on my work and slept peacefully yesterday.

I woke up today to a sunny Saturday..
and I had this lag...shit-work lag I call it..
you ever felt that?..you-had-been-doing-some-crazy-annoying-stuff-for-a-while-and-then-you-forget-what-it-was-like-to-be-on-a-normal-day kind of feeling?..

I tried hard to feel alive, to get the momentum back.
My mother was busy stitching a dress. I thought why not learn some stitching today and then I decided not to.:/. Might as well watch some TV.. I watched the movie 'The next 3 days'. The film was around a husband and a wife. A husband who would go to any extend to have his life back with his wife.? I mean prison-breaking extend?.Certainly not possible in a real world. But still, who wouldn't  kill for a husband like that. My thoughts wandered around the idea of love. Can love be as strong and forgiving as they show it in movies?. Of late , you mostly have movies on no-strings-attached relationships and you-are-allowed-to-cheat-it's-your-life approach. This one, on the other hand, did come as reaffirming. Reaffirming your faith in family and real love.

Done with the movie and still too lazy to get going, and it was afternoon already.

Suddenly, there were clouds covering the sun and a tiny bit of thunder outside. And suddenly, the sunny day went on to becoming a cloudy day. The way the rains call you from a distance and you know they are arriving. Some mood changer they are, aren't they?
Boom! I decided to step out and feel the rain. The rain that hadn't been a visitor to my place for some-long time. 

And they said -" Rest assured, you are not going to have a hard time sleeping through the night".

I couldn't stop humming my favourite song I hadn't listened to for a while.

"Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
Never let it fade away
Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
Save it for a rainy day

For love may come and tap you on the shoulder some starless night
Just in case you feel you want to hold her
You'll have a pocketful of starlight"

Listen here -> Perry Como - catch a falling star (I insist, you will love it)

Man should you turn this on , on a rainy day and sway as you drive?..


That scent of dry soil when rain falls on it. I could die on this ground right now and feel alright. :). (die and feel?:/..)..
If my niece had been here, she would have danced around in the rain..And I would have watched and filmed her dance. I couldn't remember the last time I danced around in the rain. I think it was when my cousins (mathu & bobina) and I played football in the rain. I think when I was in college.

The yard was sure all to myself. Well mom of course was busy stitching and no neighbours around.
No thinking again. Just run and splash those waters!.


when we dance you have a way with me, stay with me, sway with me...!!!

You get lost in the rains. The water so pure and cleansing. And so cold.!. Have you ever floated on water at night looking at the stars ?. For me sleeping with stars above is the only thing that can level with this feeling. "Give way to the might rains yo!!! Pennies from the heaven..let them absorb, let me dissolve.."
I was scared that my mom may scold me. Instead, I caught her enjoying looking at me having a little fun, while at the same time reminding me to be careful not to catch a cold.

As the madness subsided, my mom came with a towel. I dried my hair and I went out to take in the after-rains. No missing the dews of course. The unbeatable drops!.


To fall or not to fall?..

No, I won't catch a cold and I'm not dusting myself off ..!!!

..if only there were a line of ants passing through the top.

The little guppies in our pond frolicked around. You could just gaze at them and ponder as to what on earth should their concern be?. Do they know it's raining?.Have you ever wondered how fishes sleep?. Just stop swimming and stay put at a place and sleep..:/..?

Do they know they swim on the reflections?

This guy never looked better!!..Say hello to the ivy leaves climbing behind.
I hope they run wild and cover the fence from all the sides.

Bougainvillea shed the flowers alright.:)
How could people complain for some flowers falling on their yards?. We are not cutting that off because the neighbours complain.

And I shed the hangover from work...:)...


This was one such day where you stop and think to thank God.. May things stay the way they are. I ask for no more, no less  (yes no less..:P)...I am thankful I still get to do things the way I please. I am still at my own home.


Don't forget to tell this to yourself everyday- " Today is the youngest you will ever be."...

The cat that followed me home everyday...

I strolled alone every evening..
To watch the sun, to catch the setting..

A cat followed me home everyday..
All that purring and stroking.."Ye!!.run" ..I would shout, but it would tag along..

" You keep cats, you step out of line"..the old-fashioned way they taught us..

I would stand in my balcony and look around..
"Those ladies sure keep cats..they pet them and seem happier than me.."

The sunsets continued to excite me..
The cat still followed me back to home..
And I still didnt like it..

More strolls, more sunsets..
I slowly got the hang of it..
The cat became a day-to-day event..

One day, the kitty didn't show up..
I had to be relieved and happier as I thought I'd be..
Much to my surprise, I was worried..
And I missed it so badly I cried..

I know this..I know this!!
I should get rid of its sight..or it might just hurt me more...

No sunset it is for a while..!!!

The monotony started closing in on me..
Time went by ..

That's it..!!.Who would stop me from doing what I want...not the church..not my people..!

I head out the next day for the sunset and there's that cat..

In that spark, I ran to it, took it in my arms and started petting and kissing it..I brought it home..fed it and stroked it as I read in my balcony..

I'd wave at the other ladies and would find myself as happy as them..

Days went by, weeks went by..
The kitty kept growing on me..

It was different..
Not the usual friends, not the old parents, not the fighting siblings..
I would finish off my work soon, so I could go back to my kitty cat...

I stopped stepping out for my usual strolls..
No to sunsets too..
I might as well stay with my domestic love..

Crazily I worked...hastily I finished and hastily I ran home..
"Kitty, Kitty..here Kitty.."
I said again..."Kitty, Kitty..here Kitty..".
My voice feeble and turned down...
I stealthily moved around..
That's the last room...there's no sight of my love there...
It left..it just left..left me numb and left me cold..

I sat in my room not moving...
Held on to my pillow as if it were that soft furry creature I clung onto for a while..
One tear slipped down my lower eyelashes..and then it poured..
My voice echoed in the building..

The balcony and sunsets would only hurt me from then on...
Let it go.. Let it love...my heart would settle down for a while and then abuse for another while...

I wrote a while, I baked a while, I travelled a while..
My crowd were happy and so was I..

I revisited my balcony.. ..unclean and untouched for a while...
I looked around.. the ladies were still happy..I had failed to notice back then that the cats kept changing in their laps..
They are sure more beautiful than me, sure richer ..
But my heart is more beautiful, loyal.....

I would find myself getting excited and loving life like no one else at times..but would find myself shouting out with rage at some other times...
..that balance is missing...that love is missing...

I might walk past my cat again one day, but I might not hug again or kiss again..I might just shout with rage..

Rage like this and people say I may not have loved it ..had I loved it, I'd just let it go, let it find a better keeper..
May be my heart is not that beautiful..

I returned to the church , I returned to my people..
I found my peace again..
It's right when they say,."often people end up from where they started.."..

The cat that followed me home....

 

The day you stumble on some old belongings..

Just another normal day and mundane chores...


I woke up to my messy room.
My clothes lying around. And a table full of cake-making tools, all draped in a rug. I glanced at the office laptop on my bed and looked right away determined not to touch it until it was 2 o clock noon.

I went downstairs to have breakfast or should I say to have some taunts from my mom.
The usual - " Look at your room. Do you have any plans to have that tidied up?. I don't want these useless tools in my kitchen.When do you think you can get them off here?. When will you learn to have things together?. Girls your age are managing 2 children (Pfft... honestly I secretly laughed at that statement. Poor girls my-age!..lol. To all those who sympathise me for not having a husband at my age and to all those who sense a resentment in my words as you read this- You are twice as older than me at my age!!!! ha!! ).

:D

Now please don't judge me. The joke's on me. I'm just getting over that depressing phase of mine. And yes I'm recovering. And mom - stop offloading all your piled-up complaints and insecurity on me. Could I be more rude?. I don't care.

Oh there's today's news paper!. *scoffs and moves on*. Remember your college days?. Running to the library after class because you missed the news paper?. Well I had some insight then. I wanted a job. And no one would have covered for me in the group discussions then. All I have today is Arnab. Mr. Goswami of Times Now. When he gets aggressive and all that take-you-down-the-nation-is-watching, I like it!. I feel deep down he was depressed at some stage of his life. *nod my head in approval*.

There's no chore I saw had to be done, especially when I had the liberty of  "let me procrastinate the crap out of it - I will do it tomorrow".  (Guilt attacks and asks - At least sort the clothes you would want to wash?. and I say "No I'm good. Thank you. ")

I roamed about carelessly and that's when I found a cardboard peeking from the top of my almirah. I got curious, climbed over a stool nearby to find out more. That was my fine art!. And it was all covered in cobwebs and fungi. Some one took that off my wall when my sister was carrying my niece, saying the modern art would scare the child out the belly. Took me right to the time when I was all ceramic-art-tidy-up-my-house type. What an irony. Look at me now and imagine me then. I decided to clean up that which I call "art" , nothing compared to those technical stuff though. I am never the professional one. Always the rusty one.


Ain't that some art?. Sure describes me now- putting on a mask that lies and smiles when there's actually melancholy underneath.

The framework brought a sudden swing in the mood. I decided to look around, not at the mess I have been piling up for quite some time, but at the beautiful corners which "I" once created. They go all unnoticed now, because one barely notices some antique in the attic right?.

• We had a clock which once we got as a compliment from a shop, with some green writing on it that shouted 'I'm cheap'. It could have easily been thrown away. But back those days, I wanted to redesign everything. The frame was wooden though. 'Why not paint it and turn it to something beautiful?' Some brushing and some ceramics. And voila :)

I still have this in my room.
It does not work anymore. Just the looks.

• There were many cheap pots I collected from the market. Some by my sister. Back then, it was my sister who was the one with the job. She'd take me to malls and buy me stuff. (I'm sure she'll feel bad if she reads this. Not that she is any less happy now. But who doesn't get a little nostalgic about those single and independent days right?). She once bought me a beautiful pottery. I looked at it and thought - why not mimic that and get similar ones done?. The pots that cost me 5 or 10 bucks from the local market - I tried to turn them to a little expensive looking ones. I used some putty, some paints and brushes. And there :)

The blue one has cracks now :(.
 I remember yelling at my mom for breaking
it while cleaning.

• The main-hall mirror of ours was a little old and plain. (In fact I bought a classy one from Westlife sometime back. But my father just refuses to take the old one away. I have no clue what he sees in that.) I sat for two straight days and came up with something like this from the old plain wooden piece that had no work whatsoever on it.

No excitement uploading this one though. The mirror is back to stage one now.
 No one was careful with the ceramics.
The ceramics were delicate. And it is all gone now. :(

• The brown mania that had me paint everything brown, from an old Ajanta clock to the aluminium mirror.

• The pretty corners I personally designed and the fine arts I picked up from here and there.



• The dried herbs my sis bought, which I painted and fit in a small pot.

Ran through my photos and I found this.
My dear brother who always has this entrepreneur dream took this and
put it at his office he once started.
The office is closed and my little pot just vanished. But don't you dare think he gave up.

Speaking of entrepreneurship, we three (my sis, my bro and I) have always been for it. From my brother's coaching centres to the company he has registered in an IT park now. From my sister's boutique start up to my cake dreams.

I love my cousin for he pushed me
into making this for his kid's christening.

Thanks to Jeena for trusting in me
 for her wedding.

But why doesn't anything click. Why didn't we have a little more ancestral money to chip in?. We could have quit our full-time job and made our dreams come true.
And there's no time now. There's work. There's estimation and management. I am not saying I'm not good at that. In fact I worked my ass off in the starting and bagged the highest rating, only to find out the young achiever award nomination came at the cost of my health. Now I have learnt my lessons and don't work as much.

Honestly, I want to quit and do something I like. But the money factor pulls me away from the idea. Also the taunts.
This quarter-life crisis has just got to end. Or I might just give up. Sometimes I wonder why I get depressed. I have everything that someone else might possibly dream of. But there's a void somewhere inside. I want to figure out what it is.

Can I just go back to recreating that old mirror work of mine?. Can I take oil painting lessons? Or be a member of rifle club?
Has that time just ended?. Will I get married and everything may just end?. Will I NOT get married and everything may just end?. Will I ever make it as a home-based baker?. Not just any, but a well-known one.?

May be there is an expiry date to everything.

Hiraeth - the home you cannot return to..

Some things, some people, some places - they once occupied such a large space in your heart that it's hard to leave them behind you. I have never been able to unravel the mystery around these firsts  - your first laptop, first car, first diary entry, first love, first home...The firsts you can never get the memories of completely off your head.

I once had a home - the kind people say they'd want to get lost to on a holiday ,the kind that has every element of the countryside , the kind I dream of going back to one day. Though I shifted from there when I was very young, my heart still lingers around that place at times.

The house was sold to some other guys. And that kept us from hanging around there, where we didn't belong to anymore, for a long long time. I didn't visit the place for almost 15 years. The only few strings attached are our family crypt and our Ammama (the lady who took care of us when we were children).


Ammama - "Little souls find their way to you whether they are from your womb or some one else's"

Ammama is not keeping well these days. And I decided to pay her a visit some days back. I went alone and the drive was just beyond overpowering. The roads you have not been on for a relatively long time, yet you know every turns and corners of. Snippets of memories flash before you as you drive along.

Your school van that took you from home - the yellow one, occasionally autos, even jeeps and the vomiting tendency which demanded your staying put near the window so you don't throw up on other children. Sitting on someone's lap , who could probably be sitting on someone else's.......
The auto that had the curious small side seat in addition to the normal back seat, which was awesome fun for us tots back then, but no fun when I think back - for how uncomfortable we were in that confined space..........
The new comer boy who entertained my sister and me with the game 'look at each other's eyes without blinking'. He would not stop even when tears trickled down his cheeks and would always win.....
The girl who fell down the auto and whose missing was not noticed until the auto was 100 meters away.......
The huge cliff in Illichuvedu (a place) , the one the auto could not easily climb on. We would get excited and shout 'pull on, go on'. I choked out of breath one time and could not speak for a couple of minutes . I dared not shout again and would be careful on that cliff after that......

En route, I stopped by our church. I prayed before the family crypt. Fond memories of Ammachi , my grandma, rushed in. I  remember her whenever I see any old lady wearing chatta munde (archaic clothing in Kerala ചട്ട മുണ്ട്‌). Every time I see a chatta munde , I get happy and a little sad at the same time when I think that 'that' should be a gone sight after a while.



 

The family crypt. My papa and only my papa is responsible for preserving this.
No one else in his family gives a rat's ass.

On the way out , I stepped on the breaks to imagine a crowd in front of the church. And there's my father, my sis and I stopping by to see what's going on. We find a huge snake beaten and killed by the people. Three of us on a motor bike. Yamaha. Wohoo.
Occasionally my father would pick us from school, help us put on the rain coats and we'd have a jolly long ride. Around 20 good kilometres in the night , in the rain.

Memories around his bikes are countless- from the good ones [the group of five on a bike - papa, mummy, the sis, the little bro, I and the rains!] to the bad ones- [once one uncle got on our bike and got his feet hurt on the wheel. My father took him to the hospital. I  was so scared and asked my father "Will the police take you and leave me here?" He laughed away and said "No". I have a vague memory of me wearing the green and white frock on that day- my favourite one. I held on to my water bottle -  A bunny-like one with two ears and a mouth that could be opened to drink on from two straws inside.]

I drove on and noticed that it is indeed some pretty good distance between the church and the house.
"Seriously ?. We walked all this distance every Sunday to church.?"
That famous saying of my father echoed in my ears- " I walked 5 + 5 = 10  kilometres to my school !!!". You see , we walked too.ha!!. In fact, I walked all that distance once with high pride , holding on to my first price ever, a cute plate, from the church for scoring the highest marks from the kinder garten section. I was so shy to receive it from the dais and kept complaining to my mom that I wouldn't be able to do it, but I did just fine :).

I passed by the rock quarry - the favourite halt of my sis and me. We'd write gibberish on our slate with chalk and wouldn't rub that off until we reached the quarry. We'd pluck some stems from there. The plant stem that was so watery , you could literally rub your slate clean. Again a trick our father taught us. I should get the name of the mystery plant from him....
And the ferns. How could I forget them.!. You press the rear side of the fern leaves on your hand and voila - you have a cute design of the leaves on your hand. Making bouquets using them was fun - the leaves stacked on top of each other and some cute flowers on the top.....

My love for the ferns!!!

And the touch-me-not plant. You snip off a stem of any plant (stem that's almost hollow), touch the watery tip of the touch-me-not leaves on the tip of the hollow stem. The water from the leaves gets into the hollow stem and when you blow from one end , you have bubbles coming out of the other end....
And the flowers I don't know the name of, but when we pinched them -they snapped with the sound of killing lice. Our father told us there were lice inside and we kinda believed him...
And thumbapoo (Leucas) , which the father told were duck's feet :/. We often sucked the juice from it. And let them float on water. They'd float with perfect buoyancy.


Thumbapoo :)

The clap leaves which again I don't know the name of. You clench your hands in a fist, place the leaf on the fist and slap on the leaf and it blasts with a poof.

Myriad of memories and I didn't quite realize I was almost there. The home that was once ours.

..The huge gate.
..The stream that runs alongside the gate.
..The long driveway with tall trees on the sides.
..The paddy field around the driveway. 
..The big steps to the house.
..The bathroom outside where we once spotted a snake in the toilet bowl. I know a bit scary, but usual scenes for us back then!. 
..The veranda and the car shed attached to the veranda side. There was a blue colour separation between the shed and the veranda. We'd never step down to the front yard and get to the shed the straight way, but throw our legs around the wall-like separation and get there.
Waiting for my mom on the veranda to get back from town with the nail polish I told her and some fancy items was restless I tell you. The rainbow bangles she got us were the best. She'd get my sis and me the same things. My sis and I had similar dresses too.:).
..The rooms. Especially the small room (the one we called കുഞ്ഞു മുറി ).
..The rear-side veranda. We rarely went to a barber shop, because of course my father did all the hair cutting!. I can still picture me crying on that veranda every time he showed me my hairdo in the mirror. Mostly bob cut.

Oh yea, and plucking our milk teeth with a thread. We were told to keep the teeth below our pillows so they turn to coins the next day. And every time, they did turn to coins. Obviously!. Who else ? The father.
..The cow shed and the cow-dung store towards the back. The room attached to the shed, where I remember shingles were stored. Did you know- when you have blots on your tongue, you could touch shingles on the blots and get rid of them? We go in the room once to get a shingle piece and there goes a huge snake crawling around!.
..The machine room (മെഷിൻ പുര) , where rubber sheets were made. My sis and I used the machines to run leaves through instead of the rubber. We'd get different designs on the leaves.
..The almost-broken-termite-infected bridge to the neighbourhood.
..The chicken coop. The fun of waiting for the hatched eggs to turn chicks and running around them.
..Our land where we grew rubber, mari (മാരി ) as we called it. Once we caught a rabbit from the mari. My brother got so attached to it. That was his first pet. We used to feed the rabbit some cute pasture and milk.
Though the bro was 3 or 4 years old, his company were elder men like Rajuchettan - the guy who made him a toy bus. I can still imagine the brother roam about the yard with his bus.

It's funny how small things, things you thought would never matter again , resurface from your subconscious psyche and let you wonder. Remember Urvashi in Kadinjool kalyanam?. Her first mango tree experience. :D.  I am crazy , aren't I? At least there was someone I knew who thought I was crazy, who hated every bit of my emotional side.

I took a tour of the home and the mari with my Ammama. Ammama had been bedridden for quite a while, but she decided to step out for me. She felt proud in the car and kept asking me to take her to meet people. I met some old fellas - from the tea shop wala to the 100 year old grandma. The grandma who wouldn't agree that she doesn't remember any one. If we ask her " Amma, you know me?" and she replies , " Of course I know", but she wouldn't say who. I guess she didn't want to admit that she is senile and has lost her memory.

The 100-year-old grandma!




The house that I saw and the people I met were no much different from my memories, though some inevitable of course.


The gates are rusty now. The stream unclean and messy.
 You have pineapple plantation instead of the paddy. And the house a little different.

I had some food from Ammama's house. You don't have a proper way to reach to her house. Some slippery rocks with brooks around, some structure that looks like steps and there you go.

As I bade good bye and drove back, I kept wondering whether such overpowering emotions will show up if I visit again. May be yes, may be no. The more you visit the less intense they may resurface , for sure.
As my father says ,  " There are a few things that you were once helpless about, that you didn't want to let go but had no choice about, that you may have lost forever. They can only hurt you if you cling on to them. Certain things are meant to be forgotten."


"  It may not hurt you much when you miss someone, it may hurt you more when you know that you are not supposed to be missing them but you still miss them. " - Unknown


I have mixed emotions. Good and bad. Good that I got to revisit the place and relive my memories. Bad that I may not feel this way again. As if something precious that you preserved has just left you. The same has happened with you, hasn't it?. Catching up with your old friend and knowing that they have changed and don't have that kind of warmth now. Meeting your ex after a while and seeing him as a different person sweeping the ground from beneath you.

But yes. That's it. You get past it once and that's it. :)..May be I should do this again. May be it's time to forgive and forget. May be it's time to let go. Your life is too short to be anything, but unhappy.

May be...



I want those days back..!.

Have you been thinking?. That the change we have been witnessing over the past few years has distanced us extremely from those old days -  the days when mobile phones were new to us, the days when we tripped on to songs like 'Pehla Nasha' or enjoyed movies like 'Hum apke hein kaun' , the days when God meant belief and not skepticism, the days when parents were your role models and siblings your best friends, the days when break-ups were hard to take and not 'just-another-one'.

Today we need Sunny Leone and item dances to complete a movie. And there is "my choice". And " let's just have fun, and break up when the time comes to be happy for each other(now that is convenient!)". And of course "Facebook".

#My take on facebook.

We have friends aplenty on facebook or instagram. Friends who you barely know from college or work, friends who won't be there for you in a crisis. Yet you keep them why? Real friends don't keep in touch through facebook! You just know they are there, no matter how far. You are depressed and you call'em up. You need some money- you won't hesitate to ask them. They are just there and won't judge you. No matter at what length you try to sell your point that social networking sites let you 'keep in touch', don't you think it is not really so?. I will tell you why :

1. All you do is see the pics of your friends, know what they are doing and where they are. So how is it different from not keeping in touch? Does that let you be closer or the least maintain whatever you had before? Face it : if you are not talking to them for a while, they are gone -no matter you be in touch with them on fb or not. You are just not rekindling your friendship. It has faded. The ones you call up once in a while, they are the keepers. Not the fb walas.

2. To worsen the matter , you come to know how far your friends have changed. Their attire, lifestyle, thinking everything so different from what you knew about them. Now there is intimidation and comparison, and where is friendship growing here?. The joy of meeting your long-lost friend after so many years overwhelmed in old memories is being compromised here. Because you know the gap is huge already.Gina tripani explains this better here.


3. There is a lot of superficiality. I still remember people asking me why I put the same profile pic for almost 3 years. I mean how can a profile pic be something to be judged upon?. Social sites and activities on them the new resume builder?.
Truth be told- you post to show you are happy. Either ' I am as happy as you' Or ' I am happier than you.' I am sure my friends who keep deactivating and activating their accounts just to take a break and attach to reality can sure relate to this!.
Some funny lines I have seen :

 Husband on instagram 'Surprised my wife with these lovely flowers'. Wifey reposting. 'Aww I love you too honey. Thanks for surprising me with these exquisite flowers today'.

Again:

Did you know?

a.*'Aww thank you' is the latest ' I am so proud of myself, You are a loser and are sure intimidated by my success/beauty. That's why you just congratulated me'.* I only have a problem with the 'awww' that is so superficial.

b. Did you know 'bitch' meant your bestie?. And if you have a lot of  bitch words and 'f' words on your tweets/posts - you have got the SWAG?.

Wonder why I re-iterate this while still sitting in-front of one,writing a blog.?.
Well at least I'm  trying to make a change! 

Now when that question bothers you -'No instagram account? '. 'You are so out of touch. Don't know about the video that has just gone viral?'. 'The latest phones?'

My father always is confused about using his accounts or the latest video conferences that he is to attend in office. I see my uncles clicking the like-button on popular actresses' page unaware of publishing their post to a wider audience and their children complaining 'Stay out of fb. Don't embarrass us.' :D.

I just have one thing to say - It is not like this is our generation forever. In another 10 years, we could be struggling to keep up with our children. But then again , do we really need to?. Because it is always better to accept what we are and not worry to stay updated. Like don't we like our parents just the way they are. Do we want them to be 'modern' or rather like them modest and outdated?. Well I sure like them out of touch. What I don't like are the people who get bothered and don't let others live in peace. People who look down on others and giggle -'Look at her broken english'. Well if she speaks broken english, that sure means she knows another language!.(I read this phrase somewhere). 

So as a word of reassurance, can we try tell this instead? 

It is okay to be outdated.

It is okay to find your happiness your way. Stealing away that priceless expressions on your kids face all to yourself and not letting the world know how happy you are.

It is okay to plough your field and take a long burp after the lunch and be happy.
It is okay to want to go back in time to those old days with no phone/networking sites but you were still happy. 

Happiness, or for that matter anything, is relative. 

Spending luxurious holidays around the world is not the only thing that can earn you happiness.

So to conclude, social networking sites are sure a platform for trying out your entrepreneurship skills and letting your voice be heard. But has this gone too far to limiting your day to commenting and reacting to something that really doesn't grow you.

Am I the only one who wants the good old days, when your horizon was limited but you were happier and healthier?.

Thoughts?.

Vagamon and Kuttikanam - only a short drive from home..!!!!

I have seen people setting out to places of historical importance, places where there is a lot happening ,places where they can party all night. And there a few many like me who want to get away- get away from monotony, get away from stress, get away from reality.

But after you come back from a trip that is so relieving and unwinding , you understand that the getaway that you think that is- ironically brings you even closer to reality. But only to face it with more conviction , a different perspective altogether (at least for a while :P till you need another one). For such an awakening, you definitely need a quiet place - may be a hill station, may be the countryside, may be your favorite hideout where you can easily strike a chord with something or everything and introspect.

Memories are amazing!..As I write this, I have the postcard from Parunthumpara pinned up in front of me. Have you ever wondered how a souvenir can snap back your memories just like that ?

I usually like to trip/drive alone or may be with a close friend. Family trips for me are once in a while. Because it's difficult to have everyone available. But we still manage to have a few good trips together :). One of my cousins took the initiative this time and mentioned 'Vagamon and Kuttikanam'. The red t-shirt in the postcard. The one who has the 'rayban' and 'the note 5'. And who never missed a chance to flaunt them all through the trip...:P..

Whenever I hear someone mention 'trip', I go all pumped up and say 'I'm in' right away. There's no thinking twice. Thanks to my job that is sick-boring, offers much free time and thankfully pays well. Touch wood! (Like really?. A job that is not your passion, a job that you don't enjoy doing. Anyways, I'd rather not complain and be thankful instead.).

I immediately called up every one I know who'd be interested. Pity, we could manage to get only two families together from the long list that we are. I was so pissed off in the beginning when I got a 'no' from many. Then again, the less understanding and the selfish person I am, always fail to get the bigger picture. They were occupied and had other priorities. 

Vagamon and Kuttikanam!
The idea was to start off early in the morning. And the punctual kid Kitty is, got late by 15 mins...... :D. The plan was 6.30 am precisely. But we had been delayed by half-an-hour already. And now that everyone is ready by 7 , I'm not :/. I tell to myself -" Ok you guys are late by nearly an hour and I'm 15 min more late. What big deal.?..We don't have a flight to catch!. Don't just spoil the fun already!."

Now there is no excuse whatsoever for being late. Even as my ego gets bruised , and as I lay out my points before them one by one, back of my mind I take the feedback positively and take an oath (fingers crossed :P) not to be the last-minute rusher anymore.

Rest assured, I won't bore you with another 30 minutes in the car being a victim to my father's complaints and advice. Not to blame him, "but this is no time!. I just missed a rare-mountain flora. Let me give heed to the sounds of water, the chirp of birds !." 

A halt at eco park restaurant reverses the mood entirely for all of us. And the phone call that said ," don't rush we are running late too (family 2) " Like yaay!. The hammock and the tree house in the restaurant saved me , for otherwise the food sucked and the ambience sucked more from inside. How could some one possibly get dosa all wrong?. The restaurant had a decent look from outside and many tourists had dropped by there. As they say - looks can be deceptive.

Throughout the drive, you are looking at mountains covered in fog. Huge ones! And it's overwhelming to know that you are trailing long curls only to climb up one mountain then hopping on to another.

The gulmohar trees by the side - the red ones. The tea plantations. The brooks and waterfalls. The ponds and that amazing variety of flora you get to see only in places like this. I can go on!

We dipped our feet in the water and the

 chill just went up our spine!

The fence that was broken to our luck!!.

               
We covered Vagamon (Pine valley is a must visit here ,we stopped by there when we returned) and drove on to Parunthumpara via Kuttikanam. 

There are many good churches, amazing sights and intriguing small roads you pass by. Small roads you would want to walk along and find out where they lead to!. Since that was nowhere in the chart and sadly will never be on a family trip, did not really complain for missing them. I would definitely want to walk through those lost routes someday if I ever get a loving and daring company to trip with. 

We had lunch from Himarani, Kuttikanam.They have two or more restaurants around Kuttikanam.

 

The cows grazing on top of the mountains, fearless of losing 
their grip make you wonder! 

Parunthumpara (bird's eye) is sure a view !.

Blowing away appoopan thaadi !!!  See the rock that stood apart behind us , where you 
can spot a few daring adventurers sitting ?.That's the spot we missed - since we were under strict observation.
 Parents and their rules I tell you! 

Mountains meet here and you get to look around from the highest point and see only mountains. I could just stare into the distance, the wilderness. How I wish I had wings to fly. 

I decided to fly away a few bubbles instead - till they got lost in distance and I kept staring !!!..