Wednesday, February 10, 2016

The day you stumble on some old belongings..

Just another normal day and mundane chores...

I woke up to my messy room.
My clothes lying around. And a table full of cake-making tools, all draped in a rug. I glanced at the office laptop on my bed and looked right away determined not to touch it until it was 2 o clock noon.

I went downstairs to have breakfast or should I say to have some taunts from my mom.
The usual - " Look at your room. Do you have any plans to have that tidied up?. I don't want these useless tools in my kitchen.When do you think you can get them off here?. When will you learn to have things together?. Girls your age are managing 2 children (Pfft... honestly I secretly laughed at that statement. Poor girls my-age! To all those who sympathise me for not having a husband at my age and to all those who sense a resentment in my words as you read this- You are twice as older than me at my age!!!! ha!! ).
Now please don't judge me. The joke's on me. I'm just getting over that depressing phase of mine. And yes I'm recovering. And mom - stop offloading all your piled-up complaints and insecurity on me. Could I be more rude?. I don't care.

Oh there's today's news paper!. *scoffs and moves on*. Remember your college days?. Running to the library after class because you missed the news paper?. Well I had some insight then. I wanted a job. And no one would have covered for me in the group discussions then. All I have today is Arnab. Mr. Goswami of Times Now. When he gets aggressive and all that take-you-down-the-nation-is-watching, I like it!. I feel deep down he was depressed at some stage of his life. *nod my head in approval*.

There's no chore I saw had to be done, especially when I had the liberty of  "let me procrastinate the crap out of it - I will do it tomorrow".  (Guilt attacks and asks - At least sort the clothes you would want to wash?. and I say "No I'm good. Thank you. ")

I roamed about carelessly and that's when I found a cardboard peeking from the top of my almirah. I got curious, climbed over a stool nearby to find out more. That was my fine art!. And it was all covered in cobwebs and fungi. Some one took that off my wall when my sister was carrying my niece, saying the modern art would scare the child out the belly. Took me right to the time when I was all ceramic-art-tidy-up-my-house type. What an irony. Look at me now and imagine me then. I decided to clean up that which I call "art" , nothing compared to those technical stuff though. I am never the professional one. Always the rusty one.

Ain't that some art?. Sure describes me now- putting on a mask that lies and smiles when there's actually melancholy underneath.

The framework brought a sudden swing in the mood. I decided to look around, not at the mess I have been piling up for quite some time, but at the beautiful corners which "I" once created. They go all unnoticed now, because one barely notices some antique in the attic right?.

  • We had a clock which once we got as a compliment from a shop, with some green writing on it that shouted 'I'm cheap'. It could have easily been thrown away. But back those days, I wanted to redesign everything. The frame was wooden though. 'Why not paint it and turn it to something beautiful?' Some brushing and some ceramics. And voila :)

I still have this in my room.
It does not work anymore. Just the looks.

  • There were many cheap pots I collected from the market. Some by my sister. Back then, it was my sister who was the one with the job. She'd take me to malls and buy me stuff. (I'm sure she'll feel bad if she reads this. Not that she is any less happy now. But who doesn't get a little nostalgic about those single and independent days right?). She once bought me a beautiful pottery. I looked at it and thought - why not mimic that and get similar ones done?. The pots that cost me 5 or 10 bucks from the local market - I tried to turn them to a little expensive looking ones. I used some putty, some paints and brushes. And there :)

The blue one has cracks now :(.
 I remember yelling at my mom for breaking
it while cleaning.
  • The main-hall mirror of ours was a little old and plain. (In fact I bought a classy one from Westlife sometime back. But my father just refuses to take the old one away. I have no clue what he sees in that.) I sat for two straight days and came up with something like this from the old plain wooden piece that had no work whatsoever on it.

No excitement uploading this one though. The mirror is back to stage one now.
 No one was careful with the ceramics.
The ceramics were delicate. And it is all gone now. :(
  • The brown mania that had me paint everything brown, from an old Ajanta clock to the aluminium mirror.

  • The pretty corners I personally designed and the fine arts I picked up from here and there.

  • The dried herbs my sis bought, which I painted and fit in a small pot.
Ran through my photos and I found this.
My dear brother who always has this entrepreneur dream took this and
put it at his office he once started.
The office is closed and my little pot just vanished. But don't you dare think he gave up.

Speaking of entrepreneurship, we three (my sis, my bro and I) have always been for it. From my brother's coaching centres to the company he has registered in an IT park now. From my sister's boutique start up to my cake dreams.
I love my cousin for he pushed me
into making this for his kid's christening.

Thanks to Jeena for trusting in me
 for her wedding.
But why doesn't anything click. Why didn't we have a little more ancestral money to chip in?. We could have quit our full-time job and made our dreams come true.
And there's no time now. There's work. There's estimation and management. I am not saying I'm not good at that. In fact I worked my ass off in the starting and bagged the highest rating, only to find out the young achiever award nomination came at the cost of my health. Now I have learnt my lessons and don't work as much.

Honestly, I want to quit and do something I like. But the money factor pulls me away from the idea. Also the taunts.
This quarter-life crisis has just got to end. Or I might just give up. Sometimes I wonder why I get depressed. I have everything that someone else might possibly dream of. But there's a void somewhere inside. I want to figure out what it is.

Can I just go back to recreating that old mirror work of mine?. Can I take oil painting lessons? Or be a member of rifle club?
Has that time just ended?. Will I get married and everything may just end?. Will I NOT get married and everything may just end?. Will I ever make it as a home-based baker?. Not just any, but a well-known one.?

May be there is an expiry date to everything.